Again, I don’t have the words.

 

Again, I don’t have the words.

How would one verbalize the rawness of emotion? In it’s simplest form: one or two words do it no justice… and no length can properly convey the meaning.  As much as one my try to imbibe in colorful words that prattle on and on, one can really only make sense of things as it throbs in your head. In your heart. Your very soul shudders at the thought.

I don’t seem to have the right words to describe this.

You came very randomly.  Amidst a see of people and faces. Smack in the middle of the loneliest website known to man: Facebook. I was working then. I sent a few messages and you replied a few times and that was it.

Our exchanges were succinct and unassuming.  There was no way we could’ve predicted how much has changed now.

We connected somehow after exchanging text messages. Thousands of them later, you had become important enough to make an impact in my life. Your words were like food and sustenance. It was keeping me going through the madness of my lifestyle. The double jobs. The stress at home. It provided that additional smile and stride of my days.

Truth be told, I still read through our old messages trying to figure out what happened. How I fell in love with you. I can’t really pinpoint the exact string of messages nor the time and date that it did. I remember walking through Baguio with you in my head. I tried to shake it off by going through familiar places. Baguio was no longer a sad place for me. I tried imagining the places you might’ve haunted. I wanted to more about you.

I remember being horribly annoyed you couldn’t come to see me, and the silence treatment I was getting. I hated the feeling. That silence. I couldn’t understand why you meant something to me. I was slowly getting attached.

When we started talking again, I found myself seeing in to the future with you. The more I got to know you, the more I wanted to be with you. I wanted you. I wanted to spend the rest of my days with you. This is someone I’d like to be with. This is someone I am starting to love with all my heart.

I’m being redundant. I still find it hard to verbalize these emotions into something more eloquent. I am hoping I could come up with something better to give justice to what I am feeling right now.

One day, when I hold you in my arms, I will tell you that it wasn’t loneliness that brought us to each other. It is something else… and that something else will keep us together.

I choose you. I will keep on choosing you. I may be quiet at times, but I’ll be by your side.

I won’t have the words, but I’ll be here. I choose you.

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One thought on “Again, I don’t have the words.

  1. I often describe emotions like reciting a recipe for a cocktail. One part humiliation, two parts anger and a teaspoon of bitterness. Shake with ice. Serve in a whole glass of regret.

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